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ATTORNEY: Are you
sexually active?
WITNESS: No,
I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:
Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And
in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I
forget.
ATTORNEY: You
forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He
said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And
why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My
name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do
you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We
both do.
ATTORNEY:
Voodoo?
WITNESS: We
do.
ATTORNEY: You
do?
WITNESS: Yes,
voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now
doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did
you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The
youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh,
he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are
you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So
the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And
what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:
Uh.... I was getting' laid!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She
had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How
many were boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY:
Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are
you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How
was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By
death.
ATTORNEY: And
by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now
whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can
you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He
was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was
this a male or a female?
WITNESS:
Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is
your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No,
this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All
my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL
your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do
you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The
autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And
Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No,
he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are
you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:
Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best
for last:
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did
you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did
you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So,
then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How
can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I
see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes,
it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
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