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ATTORNEY: Are you
sexually active?
WITNESS: No,
I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:
Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY:
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I
forget.
ATTORNEY:
You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He
said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:
And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My
name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do
you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We
both do.
ATTORNEY:
Voodoo?
WITNESS: We
do.
ATTORNEY:
You do?
WITNESS:
Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did
you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh,
he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are
you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So
the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY:
And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:
Uh.... I was getting' laid!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
She had three children, right?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY:
How many were boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY:
Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are
you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By
death.
ATTORNEY:
And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now
whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He
was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:
Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:
Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is
your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No,
this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All
my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do
you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The
autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:
And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No,
he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY:
Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:
Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best
for last:
ATTORNEY:
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I
see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS:
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
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