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Two fish swim into a
concrete wall.
One turns to
the other and says "dam"
**********
Two peanuts
walk into a bar
One was
asalted.
**********
A jump-lead
walks into a bar.
The barman
says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
**********
A sandwich
walks into a bar.
The barman
says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
**********
A dyslexic
man walks into a bra.
**********
A man walks
into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and
says:
"A beer
please, and one for the road."
**********
Two aerials
meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony
wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
********
Two
cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
**********
"Doc, I
can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds
like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it
common?"
"It's not
unusual."
**********
Two cows
standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly
"I was
artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't
believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true,
no bull!"
**********
One says,
"I've lost my electron."
"Are you
sure?"
The first
replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
**********
A man takes
his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks
the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth.
Finally, he
says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?
Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because
he's really heavy"
**********
I went to
buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't
find any.
**********
I went to
the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid
that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said,
'no, the steaks are too high.'
**********
My friend
drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was
pulled in by a strong currant.
*********
Our ice
cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with
nuts & hundreds and thousands.
Police say
that he topped himself.
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